Here are the alleged Tiger Woods text messages in all their sordid glory courtesy of the Joslyn James Sexting website. The naughty golfer is returning to the “Masters” tournament in 2010, giving endless wordplay to late night comics who wonder exactly what Tiger was mastering in the privacy of his own computer. See links below.
See the full text of these heartwarming messages below the fold as we celebrate the lust between man and mistress number infinity. Joslyn James is the pseudonym of (reportedly) one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses, Veronica Siwik-Daniels.
Sexting Joslyn James is kind enough to publish over 100 Tiger Woods sex messages in their raw animalistic text, thus shedding light about what heels men can be when their wives raise children in the kitchen. She has done the world a great public service for which women everywhere can be grateful. Will the publication of the sex messages deter a few men from cheating on their wives? Perhaps. We hope.
Here are a sampling of the attributed Tiger Woods sexting messages which all have an entirely innocent explanation. Let’s shed light on what the text messages really mean in the confusing linguistic world of golf jargon:
You are my f*cking whore. Hold you down while I choke you.
I believe that Tiger is talking about his putter here after missing that birdie attempt on the 15th hole at Pebble Beach.
I want to treat you rough, throw you around, spank and slap you.
This is what golfers do, of course, with a ball that gets shanked in the next fairway.
Ok, I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust.
“Girl” is a golfing euphemism for caddie. He is simply talking about hooking up for martinis in the clubhouse after the last round.
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you?…just morbid curiosity.
A “golden shower” in golfing lingo refers to the practice of filling the Ryder cup with champagne and pouring it over the winner’s head. It’s not what you think at all.
The messages began in July 2009 and end in October 2009 with an angry message to leave him alone, invoking lawyers and such.
You can find all of the Joslyn James sexting messages at sextingjoslynjames.com assuming the website will load for you. For some reason it appears to be busy today. Please approach them with an open mind because the Tiger Woods text messages may not be exactly as they seem.
Now let’s hear what this cat has to say in the video about it before leaving your comments below.