Simon van Kempen’s single ‘I Am Real’ is Hilariously Awful

April 21, 2011

Apparently trying to follow in the footsteps of ‘The Countess,’ fellow RHONY star Simon van Kempen has released what is being called a ‘single.’ Much to my complete satisfaction, the song is about as awkward and out of touch as the man himself.

Simon Van Kempen

Yes, folks, I absolutely love it when D-listers like Simon and LuAnn make complete fools out of themselves trying to dabble in the music business.

LuAnn’s track ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class’ was the most hysterically ironic attempt at writing meaningful lyrics ever. We all know that in the caste-less society of America, it ACTUALLY WAS her money that earned her a spot in the upper crust.

As if that little gem wasn’t enough, her co-star Simon is offering up some sort of ridiculous dance track meant to defend how ‘real’ he is – just in time for the new season of the show. This little ditty even makes ‘Tardy For The Party’ sound good.

From the production to the vocals, it’s a complete disaster. Simon’s singing is delivered through a heavy filter, which puts a nasty echo on his voice like some sort of cheesy 80s synth-pop track.

Then there’s the actual content of the lyrics. Let me give you a nice little snippet of this masterpiece:

“This is my reality, which is what I wanna be. And I’ll live this way until I’m old and gray.”

As much as I love a song dedicated to telling people to piss-off, I am having trouble believing that any producer could be serious going into this project. It’s so atrocious that I’m actually wondering if it is an elaborate prank. I’m just holding out hope that we’ll get to see him perform the song in the upcoming season of the show. I’ll have my DVR set for that, for sure.

Listen Simon van Kempen’s ‘I Am Real’ below – that is if you can hear it over those loud red pants.

Photos: Nikolov

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